MARRY ME (C) - This is everything you could hope and fear it would be -- a stale romantic comedy, remarkably predictable almost from shot to shot. It is salvaged by the commitment of its four leading actors.
Jennifer Lopez plays a superstar who is supposed to marry another superstar live in concert but finds out at the last second he's been cheating, so she picks a random fan out of the audience -- a shlumpy math teacher played by Owen Wilson, who was dragged to the concert by his sassy best friend (Sarah Silverman) and daughter (Chloe Coleman). They wed on the spot and then have to reconcile the ramifications. What a wacky predicament!
Lopez is as appealing as ever -- taking in stride her character Kat's 24/7 public existence on social media -- and Wilson digs deep to find some humanity in his nerdy everyman. Silverman provides the most oomph with her sharp comedic line readings. And Coleman gives it the ol' middle-school try as the cheerleader for her single dad. Will the dork eventually win over the eye-popping mega-star and elbow out her hunky former beau? Guess.
However, nothing here is original or clever. It drags on for nearly two hours, coasting on the charisma of the cast while going in a few circles and insulting our intelligence every step of the way. (It also tries way too hard to create a couple of hit songs for J-Lo.) As noted, this does the job it set out to do, which is to help you pass time while imagining a candy-colored world where mathletes are as revered as gorgeous pop singers. No harm, no foul.
EAT WHEATIES! (C+) - This is a sketch or a short film paddedout to feature length, and the result is the epitome of hit-and-miss. Tony Hale, bless him, dons a droopy mustache and goes full sad-sack as bedraggled Sid Straw, an office dweeb who helps organize a reunion of his Penn class that included actress Elizabeth Banks.
He is mocked for his insistence that he knew Banks way back when. And, in one of several classic idiot-plot twists, his sappy, overly personal Facebook messages to Banks turn out to have been public posts. Straw's life begins to unravel as his embarrassment mounts. Not only does this movie resort to ridiculous plot conveniences, but, like "Marry Me," you can spot the ending from the opening credits.
What barely saves this is the low-key humor -- with a decent percentage of wry gags that land soundly -- and a strong cast of mostly under-the-radar comic actors. That includes Alan Tudyk as a douchie former classmate; Paul Walter Hauser, especially strong as an impossibly inept (and cheap) new lawyer; Sarah Burns (HBO's "Enlightenment") as a love interest; Rizwan Manji as his boss; "New Girl" alums David Walton and Lamorne Morris; Sarah Goldberg (HBO's "Barry") as an unhelpful co-worker; and Mimi Kennedy and Phil Reeves (Hale's "Veep" co-star) as Sid's parents.
Writer-director Scott Abramovich knows how to underplay a good joke or tuck away a gag for a bigger payoff later, but his narrative grip is weak. He rides Hale to the finish line, and if you are partial to Hale's mopey but lovable characterization, he and the rest of the cast could barely make this worth 90 minutes of your time.
BONUS TRACK
Here is Syd Straw (no relation), a great singer, from the late '80s, with the rollicking "Think Too Hard":
And Straw with Dave Alvin (playing guitar above) with the playful "What Am I Worth?":
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