Life Is Short is an as-needed series documenting the films we just couldn't make it through. We like to refer to these movies as "Damsels in Distress." Previous entries can be found here.
It has been 20 years since Martin Scorsese has made a fresh, compelling feature film ("Bringing Out the Dead"). He returns to familiar ground now with what may be his final mafia movie, "The Irishman." Please, let it be not only his swan song but also the last one for the storied quartet of over-the-hill wise guys, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Harvey Keitel and Joe Pesci.
The main problem is that the movie is dull. De Niro's main character, like De Niro himself, is not too bright or interesting. Who cares about some low-level hitman whose path will eventually intersect with Jimmy Hoffa's? And what is Pacino trying to capture here with his sloppy inconsistent "accent" as Hoffa (who was from Indiana).
Scorsese's use of de-aging CGI is not as distracting as feared, though it's odd to see 70-year-old men lurching around with young faces. (The signature obtrusive soundtrack is a sloppy pastiche of oldies, kicking off with an uninspiring "In the Still of the Night.") Pesci and Keitel manage to eke out a few memorable moments (in the first third, at least). Few actors other than Keitel can spit out a line like "Now is not the time to not say." Pesci is a quiet gem, and maybe that is because he has been semi-retired for 20 years and hasn't worn out his welcome. Ray Romano has a couple of fine understated scenes as a mob lawyer. Bobby Cannavale eats steak.
This thing of ours, the mob movie, has been played out, it's safe to say. If "Goodfellas" came along now, I probably wouldn't bother. The golden era began with "The Godfather" and ended with "The Sopranos," and both of those projects were about family, not about randomly "painting houses" (blowing out someone's brains on a wall). What's the point of "The Irishman"? An elegy for what once was? And why such a downer? There are movies that sound in a minor key and then there are risible dirges like this. And it all moves at a numbing snail's pace.
Shall we all move on, gentlemen?
Title: THE IRISHMAN
Running Time: 210 MIN
Elapsed Time at Plug Pull: 70 MIN
Portion Watched: 33%
My Age at Time of Viewing: 56 YRS, 11 MOS.
Average Male American Lifespan: 78.7 YRS.
Watched/Did Instead: Watched a repeat of Weekend Update on "SNL" and went to bed.
Odds of Re-viewing This Title: 75-1
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