Sincerely Yours, a Middle-Aged White Guy*

DEAR WHITE PEOPLE (C-minus) - Take an early-career Spike Lee script, ship it off to the John Hughes factory to apply several layers of youthful sap, and then place it in the hands of snooty Whit Stillman to put a final coat of highbrow sheen. Then you'd have the earnest mess that is "Dear White People."

Justin Simien, in his debut as a writer/director, has a lot of ideas to share, and his premise is strong: black students chafe at the "Animal House" stuffiness of the ingrained white culture at an Ivy League school. They are pushed by the ironically named Sam White (Tessa Thompson), a consciousness-raising young woman who hosts a radio show where she launches provocations aimed at white folks' misconceptions about black culture. Her resemblance to Lisa Bonet does not go unmentioned here, and her mixed-race heritage pushes a theme that borrows heavily from Lee's "Jungle Fever" and "School Daze."

Sam sharply rationalizes her class treatise on "Gremlins," which argued that it's a metaphor for suburban whites' fears of black neighbors: "The gremlins are loud, talk in slang, are addicted to fried chicken and freak out when you get their hair wet." While that's a good line, Simien's script is overstuffed with fussed-over zingers and rants. When Sam and Gabe (Justin Dobies) banter in rapid-fire fashion while walking through campus, you expect the actors to pause to catch their breath during the olympic line readings. Other dialogue comes off as Simien's barely disguised lectures.

The elders -- Dennis Haysbert as the dean of students who is more qualified but must play second fiddle to the white university president (Peter Syvertsen, missing only a mustache to twirl) -- are cardboard cut-outs. Each has a son at the school, and it strains credulity to think that the young men would act the way they do here considering the position their fathers hold.

Most of the actors look ridiculously old to pass as college students. Among those pushing 30 include Brandon P. Bell as Troy, Kyle Gallner as the snotty frat leader, Marque Richardson as the man pining for Sam, and Teyonah Parris (Dawn from "Mad Men") as Coco, a wannabe provocateur via her video blog. Every main character is also distractingly good-looking. The best part of the movie is age-appropriate Tyler James Williams (the child star of "Everybody Hates Chris") as Lionel, the quietly subversive budding journalist with the giant retro fro, whose homosexuality is meant to make him an afterthought in the battle over race. Without Williams, this would be mostly unwatchable.

The plot eventually devolves into a messy showdown between the black and white students over a "black-themed" party held at a white house. It says a lot that the party (and the reaction to it) seems ridiculously far-fetched even though it is ripped faithfully from actual recent events at schools across the nation. It's hard to tell if Simien is trying too hard in his freshman effort or whether he just isn't very good at telling a story. We'll find out after his next outing.


* - I'm certainly open to the idea that I'm too old and white to appreciate this film. I'm a little concerned about my recent attempts to appreciate black culture on film. I walked out of "12 Years a Slave," dozed during "Selma" and squirmed a lot during "Dear White People."  If it turns out that I am hopelessly out of touch, that's OK. Just go on without me. You'll have to someday anyway.