Life Is Short is an as-needed series documenting the films we just
couldn't make it through. We like to refer to these movies as "Damsels in Distress." Previous entries are here , here, here, here and here.
There will be no "Nymphomaniac: Part II" for me. One-third of the first one was enough. I can't recall a more clunky, ridiculously written film in recent memory.
Lars von Trier's treatise on fly fishing and casual sex (he may really think they are the same thing) is difficult to watch, not so much for Charlotte Gainsbourg's bruised face as she recalls her rascally youth but for von Trier's hilarious intercutting of discussions of sex and fishing. And for his exploitation of young flesh.
I started fast-forwarding fairly early and pulled the plug after a ham-handed montage of sex scenes featuring skinny little Stacy Martin as young Joe. Would you believe the viewer must endure Christian Slater mumbling in a British accent (an extreme fast-forward reveals him thrashing about in a hospital bed)? Shia LeBeouf mopes around as the love of Joe's life.
This isn't daring or controversial; it's a joke.
Title: NYMPHOMANIAC: PART I
Running Time: 118 MIN
Elapsed Time at Plug Pull: 43 MIN
Portion Watched: 36%
My Age at Time of Viewing: 51 YRS, 7 MOS.
Average Male American Lifespan: 81.2 YRS.
Watched/Did Instead: The New York Times crossword puzzle.
Odds of Re-viewing This Title: 25-1.
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